The Cycle of Unforgiveness

This week I have been teaching my 7th graders about Point of View.  I used a cup that had liquid filled half way, and asked the students to decide whether they saw the glass as half full or half empty.  The class was pulled in different directions deciding on which was right or wrong.  But the truth is, both perspectives were right, just one might have been more optimistic than the other. Perspective is always a huge part of human interaction.  The same story can be told in so many different ways simply by point of view.  But at the end of the day, the Omniscient One is the only one that knows the complete truth, and we are simply called to seek that truth.

When I was in 5th grade, I got in an argument with one of my friends.  I don't even remember what the fight was about, but I know that it was most likely not worth the hours and hours (which seemed like days in a 5th grade mind) of time that we did not speak to eachother.  Eventually I broke my wall of pride down and apologized, but my friend did NOT want to hear it.  She refused my apology.  I was apalled.  HOW could someone not forgive my sincerest apology?  HOW could someone be so proud and mean!?  How could someone make me feel so small and worthless?

I have always accepted God grace for myself.  I know myself well enough to see that I do not deserve the supernatural grace that God has given me willingly.  Ever since I was a small girl I have learned the truth of His mercy.  Through so many avenues God has taught me about His ultimate sacrfice: the wordless book, diarammas in Sunday School, countless altar calls, bible songs accompanied by intense sign language..and many many more.  But I never really and truly grasped the grace and mercy of God until I saw that I needed it: when it wasn't given to me willingly by those who I desperately wanted it from.

As I look back on the dramatic argument of 5th grade, I'm starting to see it from my friend's perspective.  I see why it might have been that she refused to forgive me.  I see why it is that she didn't want to be involved in my life.  I betrayed her.  I hurt her.  I made her feel small and worthless.  God had already forgiven me for the things that I said and did to her, but all I cared about was the fact that she DIDN'T forgive me.

How often do I see myself on both sides of this scenario.  Wanting desperately for someone to forgive me, and then on the other side: too prideful to forgive.  Such is the neverending cycle of unforgiveness that so many of us fall into, and honestly I have fallen into it.

I hurt so I hurt someone else.
I'm not forgiven, so I don't forgive.

Why is it that my flesh wins time and time again?  Thank you, Lord, for showing me my heart.
God teach me how to see, know, and remember that your grace is enough

Please be praying for me this week as I learn how to forgive as well as how to be far from home.

Rachel