Resisting the Chisel

"He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it until the day of Christ Jesus." 

Philippians 1:4

This was the theme verse of the message of my home church this week.  I listened as Pastor Mark talked about the necessary understanding that God is constantly at work in our lives.  He started the work...is currently carrying it out...and will not stip until its done.  He compared our lives to that of the unfinished figurines of Michelangelo.  Michelangelo was quoted to say that his goal was to "liberate the figurine imprisoned in the marble."  Unlike Michelangelo, God doesn't stop working on what he has started.  He is constantly at work and he won't quit.  The difference is that he is molding us into the image of Jesus.
This is not the first time I have heard this analogy of God's work in our lives.  I have been preached this verse many times.  The great thing about the Bible, though, is that God brings about a new lesson to be learned every time I intently look at His word.

I remember watching the video posted below when I first heard about God using a chisel to shape us and mold us into the person He wants us to be.  Though I had seen the video a few times, I remember hearing about it from last year's 10th graders talking about the job of being God's workmanship.  Allowing God to hit us where it hurts in order to mold us into his masterpiece.  God used this video and the words of my students to convict me of allowing myself to accept the grace of God in my own life: a lesson I have had to re-learn time and time again.

I have heard this verse was from my Dad as a kid.  He would recite this verse to me whenever I would get annoyed with my brothers or with my friends or with myself.  He would recite it over and over again--to the point where I would just shut off when he said it--yet again.

This last time, when I was sitting in my empty room streaming the sermon over the internet, I heard the message in a whole new way.  This verse isn't simply meant for ME and my self-centered relationship with God.  Its meant for all of those that God has been working on too.  God, in His divine supremacy, has been crafting all of His children into masterpieces that glorify Him.  I'm not the only one being stuck with the chisel.  He is simultaneously using the circumstances around those around me, and not around me, to mold HIs children into what we should already be.  He is taking us from a pile of dirt and turning us into something bigger than we could ever imagine ourselves to be.

Is that not unifying?  Often, I have found myself making the radical statement that I cannot stand many Christians.  I cannot even begin to count how many cynical moments I have when I judge other believers for their actions and reactions.  It is virtually impossible to put a number to moments when I react to others with an expectation that I set for myself that they just don't live up to.  I treat others with such disdain and lack of mercy that, in turn--through assuming that they are resisting the chisel--I am resisting the chisel.  Its a classic plank-in-the-eye situation.  The Christians that God places in my path, as hypocritcal, self-righteous, frustrating or just plain annoying that they I can be, we are all being shaped, molded, chiseled, and perfected by the same Carpenter, Potter, Sculptor.  So if God is willing to forgive them, and chisel away, what other choice or responsibility do I have but support the chiseling of others by allowing God to chisel me.  Unforgiveness, judgement , and bitterness will always put a barrier between the chisel and the chiseled--a barrier that NEEDS to be crushed.
The most exciting thing about it all is that our proud Father is proud of every piece that is chipped away on His masterpiece.  Much more excited than the impossible chunk of marble that he has to work with, and He never gives up--no matter how stubborn that marble can be, no matter how many obstacles and barriers we place in front of Him.  No matter how many times we resist the Sculptor, he will FINISH his masterpiece.  He started, He's continuing, and He won't stop until its done--and on that day He will place us on the mantle of that place He's preparing for us to glorify Him for eternity.

Who's Excited?

Rachel

{prayer requests}

• UPCOMING CAMPS: pray for both the Middle School and High School camps coming up this month, that God will bring the kids to a deep and real understanding of Himself.
• YOUTH GROUP: Middle School & High School youth group has been combined to one night a week.  This is a lot of change for the school, and we'd appreciate the prayers as we maneuver through the transition
• MSCREW: I am now fully in charge of MSCrew, and I feel significantly worried and inadequate.  Please pray for me as I continue to make decisions for Crew and that I will communicate and work well with Ryan, the youth pastor, to disciple these kids.
• CARNAVAL WEEKEND: There is an apparant spiritual warfare during the days leading up to Lent here in Bolivia.  Bolivia is the worst country to be in during Carnaval because there is a significant spiritual warfare that happens.  Pray for those new Christians that will be tempted to attend Campamentos and to resist the temptation to join in on the evil
• PRAY for Jen Roberts and me as we travel to Peru during Carnaval weekend and explore Macchu Picchu.  Pray for travelling mercies and that God will bless our time together and grow our friendship

Without Fault

I had a great day today; a day filled with laughter, successes, challenges, and memories, but for some reason I took the short walk home feeling like a failure.  As I started to play my day back in my mind while I was packing up my things and getting ready to leave my classroom, I fell to the temptation of comparison & self-defeat.

Its interesting how often I find my worth and identity in things that do not even matter.  I have fallen victim to the attention received from praise.  Praise for a successful lesson.  Praise for relating to the kids I see everyday.  Praise for being a good missionary.  Praise for getting my lesson plans in on time or for finishing the assigned professional development book.  And when I don't receive the praise, I look at all of the areas in my life that need to be improved, and begin to do some self-examination.

Why am I not as good of a mentor as she is?
Why do my students not like me as much as her when I try so much harder?
Why am I not being a supportive enough girlfriend?
Why is it so hard for me to stay healthy or thin?
Why do I have to be good at things that I don't want to do?
Why does it seem so much easier for everyone else?

I ask myself these self-defeating questions over and over and always come to the same answer...because you're simply not good enough.  Which is true in a lot of ways.  I am not good enough.  I'm a failure.  We all are.  But that is the beauty of redemption.  The truth is I have been set free from the bondage of sin, but for some reason that bondage is so comfortable--and safe; I find myself retreating back to those lies because its easier and safer to hide behind them rather than allow others to see me for who I truly am.

One of my students accepted Christ this week, and I was overjoyed with the things she had to say.  She shared her testimony almost immediately after she accepted Christ and she said so many things, but one thing she said that I will always remember is "words are power."

This is so true.  When I teach I am able to convince my students of a lot of things.  When I listen to someone say hurtful things, those scars come up later in life.  When I say hurtful things to others I'm sure those words have enough power to scar them as well.  I just wish that I was able to listen to the most powerful words of all:

WITHOUT FAULT.  That is the part that is hard for me to grasp.  I am fully aware of the faults of myself and the people who I am around on a daily basis.  God has gifted me with an ability to see and understand the faults of others--almost to a fault (pardon the pun).

As I continue to grow and be engrossed in full-time ministry life my ability to acccept the grace of God has begun to occupy the shadow behind my constant desire for approval and the praises of man. 

Father,

Help me accept that I can never fully satisfy anyone, but I can be fully satisfied with You and you alone.  Help me learn to embrace your grace & to learn from failure rather than dwell in failure.  Teach me to see myself how you see me: blameless and without fault.

Rachel

Ambidextrous Spirituality

SAMBo Mission Conference

Last week was a week that was filled with God's presence at the SAMBo Mission Conference.  I added a bunch of pictures that highlight the week.  God brought to light a lot of issues that I have convinced myself were not issues in my life.  He showed me a lot of truth about myself.  He showed me that I need to be broken before I can heal from the things I didn't know were hurting me.

Up until this point in my time here in Bolivia I have been asking God to change me.  I've been asking for Him to mold me and shape me into the woman He sees me to be.  Though I have great motives in my prayers, my actions reflect the exact opposite desire.  I suppress my feelings so as not to impose them on others.   I don't allow things to surface because I don't want others to see me as weak.  I also don't see that others can actually help me or offer me any advice that would be worth listening to.

The Conference Committee & Jerry & Pat Sittser

The bottom line: I am alone, and there is no one trustworthy in this world that would even understand.

When I went to conference I had low, if any, expectations.  I was less than thrilled to go because all I could think about was the long list of things I needed to complete before school started.  But God used the mission conference to answer the prayer that I have been given.  He continued the transformation.  He decided to take a big chunk off of my masterpiece, and let me tell you.  This one was painful.

God used the words of our speaker, Jerry Sittser, to really convict me of my mistaken perspective.  The perspective I have thought is that in the story of my life I have been confusing my circumstances with my plot.  The plot comes out of the circumstances.  The plot develops out of the way I respond to the circumstances in which I see myself, and "God will use the toold of everything to form me into who I already should be.

He introduced the concept of ambidextrous spirituality.  Which is a fancy way of searching for God in all situations: prosperity & adversity.  Currently I find myself in the latter.  I have been sleeping in the shadows of my adversity for so long--becoming numb to emotions or feelings, and dwelling in negativity.  I cannot be a slave to my circumstances--even if they are hard.  Jerry asked the important question that I am now asking myself:

How am I responding to God where I am?

Jerry simply said "wherever you are, find God there."  He continued to unpack the concept that we are all parts of the big Story, and there is no way to know how He will use our little story to impact his own Narrative, and we have the unique privilege to be "characters who know the author."  As soon as I started processing this, I was able to see that God can reveal the plot as it continues as long as I fulfill my part: be a character devoted to the Author.

I'm just learning to accept the paradox: "for when I am weak, then I am strong."  God is showing me that as adversity continues I need to take advantage of the refining of my faith, the opportunity of learning submission & dependence, of necessary trust.

Today I had the opportunity to practice this new practice of ambidextrus spirituality.  During chapel we sang the song: "Your Great Name" there is a verse that says:

The fatherless find their rest

At the sound of Your Great Name

The sick are healed the dead are raised

At the sound of Your Great Name

As I started singing and processing those lyrics I met with God.  He showed me that He is there during adversity--and He moves mountains.  All I could think of are those friends of mine in the States.  The father that was just taken from his toddler children and their mother.   I thought of the father and son that are fighting life-altering injuries.  I thought of the man here in Bolivia that was diagnosed with Leukemia and taken to heaven within two weeks.  I thought of a fellow missionary's niece fighting for her life at home.  But at the sound of His Great Name, there is hope when it seems hopeless.

As I continue to pray for these families affected by adversity, I just pray that God will simply show Himself to them in a big way. That God will continue to develop their plot, and they will allow Him to change their lives like He is changing mine.

Hurt happens, and character is built through it all.  Please be praying for me as I continue to adopt the spiritual discipline of "wherever you are, find God there."

thanks for your prayers & support!

--
Rachel

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PRAYER REQUESTS

• The new semester schedule has been trying and a little exhausting.  Please pray that God gives me ability to get my work done and opportunity to rest
• As I start to find God wherever I am pray that He brings a mentor into my life to join me in this and that I will be able to trust those around me to help me through this process.
• Gilberto, one of the pastors at my church, La Restauracion,  just went Home to rest.  Pray for his family and the church body as well as the missionary family that serves there, it has been tough on them as they are grieving.
• Pray for the two families at FCC in the States: the Hackings and the McLeans.  Two automobile accidents have caused life-altering injuries to Brian and Josh. Pray that they will be find strength and have faith in the Great Physician.  Also for Ana and her two little kids--her fiance died this weekend in a motorcycle accident.  Pray for her grieving process and her kids.
• Pray for the Crew kids this week as they start to write out their testimonies and go through the process of being officially added to the crew.
• Pray for my students to adjust gracefully into the new semester and that they will set good goals and finish well.

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Sneaking a Peek at God's Will

Most Recent Bolivian Adventure: exploring the light displays of Santa Cruz

I have never been an easy person to surprise.  Not possessing energy to face the impossible feat of pulling the wool over my eyes, my parents never threw me a surprise party. To put it bluntly: I am nosy, and like to know what is going on.  At far too young an age I would sit with my parents as they talked to their adult friends instead of playing with the other kids, just because I wanted to know what was going on.  In middle school and high school, I loved secrets only if I knew them, and I tried to sneak a peek at my Christmas presents so much that my parents started going shopping on Christmas Eve.  Social Committee president and an a member of the Student Government, I even needed to be a person "in the know" all throughout college.  Though he has never complained about it, Dave is very aware of this flaw of mine, and has been patiently helping me enjoy and welcome surprises.

As I have continued my life journey in Bolivia, I am realizing that being "in the know" is as impossible as throwing a surprise party for me was when I was a kid.  Since I first stepped on Bolivian sand, I've been surprised so many times it doesn't even come as a shock anymore; in fact it is a shock when I am able to predict a surprise.  What has this taught me?  First--real life is not even close to what they "prepare" you for up until college graduation.  Secondly, God loves surprises, and life itself is a surprise.

In the latest chapter Dave and I have read in the devotional we are doing, Devotions for Dating Couples, Sam Adams writes about God's will.  He shares that God has two wills for our lives: his soveriegn (secret) will and His moral will.  The sovereign will is one that will be carried out regardless of our choices, and the moral will is what He asks of us--and what is shared with us in Scriptures. Adams continues, "The problem occurs when we want to sneak a peek at God's secret will before it has been revealed.  Often we are too concerned with trying to anticipate His next move."

Lately, I have found my self wondering and pondering what my next move is supposed to be at the end of this school year.  What is my next step when I get off the plane on June 15th?  I have been praying for God to make His will clear to me.  I have been praying for God to show Dave His will as we take steps together in our future.  As we plan our next steps, I am humbled by Dave's patience and faith in God's providential will--meanwhile I am a wreck waiting for both Dave and God to present me with a 5-year plan.

My prayers and expectations have been completely misguided.  I'm thankful that the Holy Spirit intervenes in prayers, because I shouldn't be praying for God to make His will clear; I should be allowing myself to seek God's moral will.  I should be fulfilling MY duty as a servant of the Lord, "love God and enjoy Him forever."

I have been re-reading My Utmost for His Highest, Oswald Chambers had an amazing Biblical example of Peter asking Jesus, "why can I not follow you now?" John 13:37.  Immediately after this questions Jesus tells Peter that He will deny Him three times, while Peter is convinced that he knows Himself better than Jesus does.  How foolish, right?  Well here I am just as guilty.  Waiting on the Lord's direction, and the Lord's will when all I need to do is stop denying Him.  

Chambers responds to this passage this way, "Wait for God’s timing and He will do it without any heartache or disappointment. When it is a question of the providential will of God, wait for God to move."

I have no idea what God is planning for my future.  I don't know what I will be doing this time next year.  I don't know whether I will be single, what country I will be in, where I will be laying my head, what job I will have.  Life is full of questions.  All questions God knows the answer to, and all questions I am not ready to hear the answers to.  I am only praying that I will continue to seek God--not his unrevealed will, because  I don't want or need heartache or disappointment--I need to love God and enjoy Him forever.

Thanks for Reading, Praying and Supporting!

Rachel

*******IF YOU HAVEN'T ALREADY, make sure you watch this video as a THANK YOU for all of the gracious support you have given me these past months!*******

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PRAYER REQUESTS:

1. SAMBo Missions Conference:  This week we could really use your prayers here at SAMBolivia.  The Missions Conference is bringing a bunch of speakers and helpers for us missionaries to be ministered to.  I'm really looking forward to the time of rejunvination, Spiritual food, fellowship, and opportunities to rest and grow in the Lord.  PLEASE pray that God will go before us, and that His truth will be shared, shown, and received.

2. SCCLC: Students and teachers start the school year again on January 14th.  The time has snuck up on a lot of us, and we could use prayers as we continue to plan for the semester.  We are half-way through! Pray that we finish this last lap of our race well!

3. MSCrew: With the start of school, comes the continuation of youth group and Crew.  Kids will be completing and handing in applications for Crew during the first week of school.  Pray for wisdom and guidance from the Holy Spirit as we make decisions and seek His direction with Middle School Crew.

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