A Smoothie of Emotions

All of the ingredients of a smoothie are good on their own, but together they are more delicious than they would be if they weren't blended. The process of a smoothie completely blending together takes a while.  Some of the ingredients are harder to break down, and others can be too watery.  But eventually they all form one single product: a delicious smoothie.

My emotions are currently in the blender.  They are not yet smoothie material, but I'm attempting to break down the stubborn ones, and learn how to allow them all to work together to become something delicious.  Let me show you some of the ingredients:

THE ICE:

This is the first time I cried when I said goodbye to my parents.  I think its because I am starting to realize that I'm really going to be gone for a year this time.  Every time I have left home, I have only been gone for 4 months at the most.  This time I know I will not see my family for a very long time.  So much happens in a year, and its hard not to be fearful of the inevitable changes both in me and the people I love.

THE STRAWBERRIES:

When I received my visa I was at an ultimate high.  I couldn't wait to make plans to purchase my ticket.  I couldn't wait to just get down there.  I was so excited that I literally sat and stared in disbelief.  Then started to run around my house blasting the video below:

THE YOGURT:

THEN I started to realize it was time to say goodbye, and I started getting confused. I didn't know how to say goodbye to the people I love.  I wasn't sure how many times to hug, how MUCH I was supposed to cry, what I was supposed to say as final words.  It was kind of a whirlwind.  Everything happened so quickly, too.  I couldn't figure out what I was supposed to do and how to catch up in my mind.

THE BANANAS:

Dave dropped me off at the airport.  (Dave is my boyfriend, we've been seriously dating for a couple months), and I didn't even know how to say goodbye to him.  I sat with him with all of these exciting things in the back of my mind: seeing my students, being in Bolivia, finally finishing the waiting process, etc.  But then there was this overwhelming lack of ability to separate myself from him: a feeling I had never experienced before.  I had a desire for him to come with me on this new adventure.  I had a desire not to let him leave my side.  After having my final meal: Philly Cheesesteaks, Dave and I said goodbye, and I cried for a good couple hours because of my overwhelming sadness of letting him go and not seeing him for so long.

Final Meal in the US: Cheesesteak!!! :)

We weren't happy to say goodbye :(

THE KIWI:

I am SOO happy and excited to be back in Bolivia.  Its really like returning home.  But I'm still kind of feeling awkward because I almost feel like I'm going to wake up in my room at my parents house with a text message from Dave.  I got so used to life in the States that its hard to separate my routine.  Living in Mount Laurel is still so close to my mind that I'm not yet ready to let it go.  But at the same time I want to embrace Bolivia, and so far I haven't had a problem with it, but I can't be embracing both at the same time.  I'm excited to be rooming with Danielle Potter (Dpo)!  I'm excited to see and start teaching my kids, I'm excited to just RE-ENTER Bolivian culture and experience life here.

Dpo and I overwhelmed with Excitement in our Apartment!! :)

As of right now, I'm still processing (or blending...to stick with the metaphor) my feelings towards this drastic life change.  God is showing me through it all that I need to continually rely on Him to show me how to get through the day-to-day whether in Santa Cruz or New Jersey.

I had a red-eye flight so I had the chance to see the sunset and the sunrise while in the air.  Though it might be a little corny, I can look at this as God showing me that its time to let the sun set on my life in the States and look forward to the sun rising on my life in Bolivia.  I'm so thankful for the beauty of God's creation showing me how to transition.

American Sunset

Bolivian Sunrise

The thing about the sun, though, is that its the same no matter where you are.  God is my sun...He is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow, and I need to hold on to that truth.  Even when my emotions are going through the blender!

Thanks for your prayers and support!

Rachel

find smoothie recipe here