My Ice Cream Puddle

What is your favorite flavor of ice cream? Cup or cone? Sprinkles?  Cookie crumbs?  Dipped in chocolate?  What is the combination that just makes your mouth water when you order it from the Drive-in--the one you always order?  For me its simple: soft-serve vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles in a waffle cone.  Yum.  

Well imagine ordering it--with a perfect triple-swirl and the sprinkles of every color covering every surface of frigid ice cream that patiently sits on the fresh waffle cone waiting to be devoured.  Mouth watering?  Well now imagine tripping over a rock and watching, in slow motion, that perfect ice cream cone crashing to the ground and immediately becoming a swirling and melting rainbow puddle.  Now imagine a small dog coming up and licking that puddle.  To add a little irony to this unfortunate insult, add some pouring down rain.

That was my week.

I was born a natural pessimist.  Can you tell?  I simply enjoy wallowing in the negative aspects of life.  This skill raised to an artform throughout my teen years when I, like most teens in the world, was convinced that my parents and everyone else in the world, who couldn't possibly understand what I was going through, had one goal: to ruin my life.  I remember countless arguments with my parents over the silliest things that seemed to be the most important things in the world at the time--its funny that I don't remember any of the actual topics of the arguments, just that they took place.

As I have slowly grown in maturity, those optimists that I once loathed, because they ruined my pity parties and made me feel this size of a bean whenever I would wallow in the negative, became intriguing to me.  You know the people I'm talking about: the ones who could find sunbeams during a thunderstorm, or could find something positive to say about a tone-deaf person singing an Aretha Franklin song, or could be excited for the dog who gets to lick their just-spilled-not-yet-eaten puddle of ice cream with sprinkles off the ground.  Those people are so amazing to me--when I WANT to climb on board of their happy train.  When I don't feel so positive, I want to ring there necks with their sunbeams and compliments, scoop up the ice cream puddle and throw it their face.

Over time, though, I have seen that optimism is such an attractive quality to have.  Biblically the word is joy.  As an English teacher, I like to find synonyms for simple words.  My favorite is "rapture" to be "in rapture" would be to have overwhelming felicity or pleasure.  I don't think that dictionary.com does a great job of defining the word joy, though, because the first word was "happiness."  The Oxford English dictionary does a better job by defining it as "a vivid emotion of pleasure arising from a sense of well-being or satisfaction; the feeling or state of being highly pleased or delighted."

Joy is the second fruit of the spirit mentioned in Galatians 5, preceeded solely by love.  John Mayer says "love is a verb" theology that I definitely agree with, and I'd like to argue maybe that joy is a verb as well.  James 1 says "consider it pure joy to face trials of many kinds."  That means joy is an action--its a choice.  To be joyous, one must be in complete contentment and confidence that her needs are met--whether they want to or not.  Its a concious state of mind that takes work--even for optimists.

As a pessimist, the state of being joyful is not something that happens with ease.  Its hard work for me.  I have to conciously remind myself of my identity in Christ, of what side I am on, and of my expectations and purposes.  Sometimes it comes much easier that other times.  When I find myself in a state of prosperity, I can be thankful for a whole lot of things.  But catch me in a moment of adversity and forget it. I wallow.  I'm such a selfish sinner.  When God finds it in His pleasure and will to bless me--its really easy to look at the positive sides of things and have the shallow ice-cream-with-sprinkles-on-it joy, but when that ice cream with sprinkles falls off the cone and crashes on the ground, its really hard to think of something to be thankful for.

This was an ice-cream-on-the-ground kind of week and all I wanted to do was kick the dog.  It was a challenge to find the positive things throughout my week.  My mind has been in the US for the past month, and I have been counting down the days until my flight (70 days).  Every time something would go wrong this week, I'd just repeat the amount of days I have left in my mind which left me even more depressed because I just wanted to go home.  I tried so hard to find blessings of this week that I conciously had to sit down and write them in my journal.

He managed to help me think of an abundance (more than 40) of blessings that I have in my life right now.  In this season--not just things to look forward to in the next.  He brought me a type of contentment that I haven't had in a long time, and for that I am overwhelmingly blessed.  The week that started with the Hope of the Resurrection is what made me see that He is a Just God of grace--the greatest contradiction known to man, and I am privileged to know him.

Here are some of the blessings I wrote about this week:

Parsons, Bennets, Reeds, and Smith families to share Easter dinner with when mine is far away (picture below)

Disney movies that are perfect watch while grading mountains of papers (picture below)

Music that plants itself in my head giving me a soundtrack to life (though annoying its better than silence)

Rain & cool enough weather to wear scarves and long sleeves (!!!!)

Coke and Popcorn (the website with free viewing of US tv shows)

Overseeing detention with kids who decided they wanted to discuss the Bible

THE PHILLIES!!! (opening day was yesterday...can't wait for summer games)

When toddlers run to me with their arms stretched out (best moment ever)

Being able to cook for other people..perhaps my favorite act of worship (picture below)

Fireworks to ring in the Resurrection of Christ...ask me for a video of the sunrise service

A new yellow dress and the seamstress who made it for me..and the low cost for it to be done :)

When my students actually quote things I say back to me and I realize they actually listen (BIG deal)

Birthdays!! Two of my students and a fellow missionary had birthday parties today...lots of fun!!

Godly conversations with other single women here in Bolivia.

Dave's ability to patiently listen to my venting fits and still respond in wisdom and love.

That moment when a student applies something we are learning in class OUTSIDE of class!!! :)

the Psalms...reading a Psalm a day forces me to praise God :)

TERRIBLE jokes that still make me laugh

Embracing one of my 8th graders right after she made a decision to follow Christ (BEST MOMENT)

Photos like the ones below:

These are all missionary kids that I have babysat, discipled, taught, or ministered to throughout this year.  They are my out-of-school ministry, and I love them all dearly.  We took these pictures after Easter dinner.

These are my seventh graders on theme-day.  Our theme was Disney characters.  I got a little bit into it.

I baked this pizza last night and shared it with a couple neighbors.  It was a pick-me-up ending to a hard week.

As God has challenged me this week, I hope he challenges you to look for those blessings in your life that you are just NOT entitled to.  I pray that you choose joy this week as you are in the thick of life and tempted to kick the dog eating your puddle of ice cream.

Thanks for your prayers and support!  You are all a huge blessing in my life...what are some blessings you have experienced this week that you might want to share as a COMMENT below?

--

Rachel

From Camp to the Classroom & Back Again

This last week was extremely tranquilo and eerily quiet because the High Schoolers were away at Camp.  At least 3 students accepted Christ at this camp, and many kids rededicated their lives to Christ. From all the reports, it seemed like it was a significantly worshipful and unforgettable time for the High School.

BUT I got to go with the Junior Highers to camp last week, and it was also an awesome experience with them.  I was given the opportunity to develop relationships with my kids that go beyond the classroom.  Sometimes it can get frustrating to be in the classroom environment when I want to get to know my kids on a deeper level. ALSO the yellow team (my team) won the team competitions.  Here are some photos of the week taken by our official photographer, Haeun.

Boys playing the "don't touch the trashcan, but make everyone else touch it" game (don't remember the name)

Having to do math at camp exhausts me: counting up different colored balls we made in order to count up our points :)

Middle School worship is always an interesting and fun experience.  I was able to lead with other High Schoolers and an awesome friend, Ally Lee.

The winning team: The Cheesus Freaks.  We were a team of superheroes that all had to do with Cheese.  I was Cheese Momma.  Tayo (center) was The Big Cheese.  Others were Cheesecake, Cheesy Boy, String Cheese, Cheese it, and Cheezito....it was a lot of fun.

watergun Dodgeball.  The Big Cheese beating down the blue team! :)

The awesome High school Leaders that did such an excellent job! :)

As I look at my time here and consider what (specifically in teaching) my biggest struggles are it is drawing that teacher-student relationship line in the sand.  Finding the boundaries and learning how to uphold those boundaries.  There is such a fine line that, because of my lack of experience as a teacher, is so fine that I cannot fully see it.  This week was a hard one in Middle School because of that new development in my relationships with my students.  Some of my students understand the environmental changes and how they need to respect me; while others cannot seem to grasp that concept.

I had to discipline many students this week because I almost had to reestablish that student-teacher relationship.  I had to make it clear that I am no longer their camp-counselor that is super competitive and will stay up until all hours painting nails, eating junk food and chatting about anything and everything.  Then I realized, I don't want both.  I want either of those dynamics when ministering to youth.  I don't like having to balance both, having to remind myself which role I'm fulfilling at which time.  I'd much rather stay in camp-mode OR teacher mode.

I think God is showing me a lot about how to not only establish boundaries, but also to stick to those boundaries both in my personal and professional lives.  The hard thing that comes is that a lot of my students show up in both of those parts of my life.  Those students that are part of the missionary life as well as the teaching life. The ones that are allowed to call me Rachel outside of school and are forced to call me Miss Gentry at school.  The ones that I mentor, but also have to discipline in my classroom.  I get confused sometimes, so I can't even imagine how they must feel.

All that to say: I'd like to stick to one type of role, and I'm seeing that I like camp-mode so much better than teacher-mode.  Maybe that's telling me something about my eventual future.  Hopefully God will show me what the next step after this adventure is that will lead me to serve where and how He has designed me to serve.

Continually Seeking His Will & Waiting Patiently for Direction..

--
Rachel

{prayer requests}

• Praise that CAMP was a success!
• Seussical the Musical: 
• I have been asked to be in charge of the soloist and ensemble in the musical at the SCCLC this Spring.  I'm fighting a whole bunch of feelings of inadequacy, and I could use prayer for God to show up in me and through me as I lead the kids in the musical.
• Pray for Emily Barlow as she is directing the whole show and is going to need a lot of guidance from God through the entire quarter.
• MSCrew
• Pray for the kids in MSCrew: Grace, Shekinah, Benji, Luke, Lucas, and Heyli.  I'm really impressed and excited that they are committing to be leaders at the SCCLC.
• Pray for myself as I lead them through this semester and learn how to disciple others. Pray that I will be discipling them well.
• Pray as this year is on the down-swing, that the students (and I) will adjust to change as I prepare to leave.
• Discipleship
• PRAISE God that I have started to be mentored by co-missionary and dear friend, Johanna.  This is a HUGE answer to prayer, and I am anxious to see how God uses myself in her life, and how we build eachother up in the Lord.
• Pray for her as she listens, and guides me in my struggles, but also for me that I am honoring God through our conversations--and that I am able to be transparent: something that is a struggle and challenge for me.

I Felt Like a Teacher Today

Someone once told me that in the world of Education there are really good planners, and then there are really good teachers.  Today I felt like a really good teacher.  I'm terrible at planning.  Scope and Sequences, all of the SWBAT's or the Learning Objectives, and the deciding where students should be, setting goals, etc.  I am terrible at it, but as I continue to develop my teaching over time, I am learning that its important to plan, yes (mostly because students can see right through you if you are unprepared), but also it is important to TEACH and that its ok to abandon the plan if it doesn't pan out.  

Communication Corner of the Classroom :)

SOO needless to say, today was the first time that I actually felt like a teacher.  Up until this point I had felt like I was filling in a role that I wasn't suited for, or that it was just temporary.  I had this underlying feeling that I am not really doing what I should be doing with my life.  I just felt unsettled, unfocused, and simply disorganized and frazzled.  I felt like I was renting space in the room that I am sharing with the other English teachers, because I had been sharing a computer and I just didn't feel like I had a settled down place to call my own.

The week started out with one of my kindergarteners giving me an apple. I don't know where the concept of "teachers love apples" started, but I was overjoyed with this little kindergarten boy giving me an apple.  I'm convinced it was just part of his snack and he didn't want to eat so he thought he'd give it away, but I was so touched and it made me start to feel like a real teacher.

The Reading Corner, and my kids' Projects! :) I'm so proud of them!

I also got my bulletin board up yesterday.  The maintenance guy hung it for me, and I decorated it right away.  My 7th and 8th graders are doing the "reading race" to see which grade can read the most pages in their individual reading at home.  So far the 7th graders are smoking the 8th graders.  But I got to spend time just making a reading corner on the side of the room that I have been sharing.

THEN I got my own computer which forced me to organize my desk and my papers, so I'm all organized and ready for the new quarter.

MY NEW COMPUTER on my newly organized desk!!!

Though all of these things seem trivial, they all play a part in making me feel like a real teacher, a feeling I haven't actually had yet.  But I felt the MOST like a teacher when I experienced something in my 2nd grade music class. 

As we started to work on the song that the 2nd graders are singing (Heavenly Hallelujahs...a medley of all of the "angel carols"). I started realizing that there are SO MANY words in the song that they have never seen/heard/understood before.  They would mumble over them when they sang along with the track, and I was thinking to myself "well this is just not working...time for a new strategy."  I gave them all pencils and asked them to underline big scary words, and they did an amazing job finding the things they weren't sure about.  I had never thought to take MUSIC from a literacy standpoint before, and I was so excited that I can use my experience as an English teacher in the music world.  It was the greatest teachable moment I have experienced to this date.

I'm so thankful that God has sent me here, and that He is beginning to show me that I do belong where he leads me.  I'm thankful that he can give me glimpses of his plan to prepare me for great things.  I'm so blessed to be here in Bolivia, and I am learning to praise Him in the good, and continue to rely on Him during this feasting time.  God is allowing me to really embrace being a teacher and LOVE my job, and see that it IS my job...and my calling.

THANK YOU LORD FOR CALLING ME TO DO SOMETHING THAT I LOVE, ENJOY, AND YOU HAVE GIFTED ME IN.THANKS, GOD FOR GOOD DAYS! :)

My Crazy Rambunctious and AWESOME 7th graders :)

THANK YOU, supporters, for your continual prayers!

Rachel

Prayer Requests This Week:

• Saturday: HS Girls Progressive Dinner (Dpo and I are hosting the main meal) pray for strength and PRESENCE because I have a lot of other things to do (i.e grading) and I want to BE THERE and HOST well.
• Sunday: PRAISE for 5 new believers after Retreat this weekend in the HS! I'm soo proud of these kids and I want to pray that they continue on this Spiritual Plateau instead of plummeting after a "retreat high"
• Monday: BAPTISMAL SERVICE on Monday, November 3 for new believers in the HS and other believers that desire to be baptized...parents are invited: BIG DEAL, BIG STEPS!
• Tuesday: 2nd quarter is starting, and I have lots of planning to do for 7th and 8th grade reading classes; pray for students to desire to SUCCEED this quarter.
• Wednesday: Christmas Program is RAPIDLY approaching, pray for wisdom and attention in the elementary school, so that they memorize their songs, lines, and practice well, pray for parent and teacher involvement
• Thursday: Dpo and myself as we continue to get to know eachother as roommates
• Friday: Middle School youth group and spiritual development: They NEED Jesus to show himself to them; pray that we can continue to develop our discipleship program with the Middle School.