Job Searching & Fundraising: A Comparison

Contrary to popular belief, comparison is not an essay that'd be produced from a graphic organizer shaped like a T where there are lists of things that are not like the other.  To compare means to look for similarities between two things.  In this case there are many things to list.

Throughout this summer I have not been living up to the Jersey girl standard of countless trips to the beach.  I have not been shamelessly killing skin cells by being outside for too long.  I have officially stopped sowing my wild oats, and in digging toes in the sand, I have been digging myself into every website I can find searching for teachers.  Instead of throwing my head back in the sunshine, I have been slouching over my computer editing my resume and furiously typing cover letters.  Right now I'm refusing to continue.  Instead of a cute bathing suit or hiking boots, I am wearing ugly heels that hurt my feet, business dresses and suit pants. Rather than travelling to an unknown land and embarking on new adventures, I have been pounding through school doors, meeting with administrators, and receiving polite rejections. Now, My feet hurt, My printer is out of ink, I'm running out of resume paper and I'm simply tired of attempting to walk through slamming doors.

Right about this time last year, though, I remember feeling the same feeling: the knotted-stomach-ball-in the throat-sickness that comes when I am at the absolute lowest point of the roller coaster that is fundraising.  If you are or have been a missionary you know the feeling.  When you check your account about 80 times in one day to see if MAYBE someone donated even one dollar to your trip--and always come up with the same conclusion: nothing.  When you second, third, fourth and fifth guess the decision you were once so confident the Holy Spirit prompted you to make.  Then, you receive more and more polite-but suspiciously emotionally empty responses to the letters you slaved over to make personal that simply say: I'll be praying for you.

"I'll be praying for you" why is it that those words make me feel worse instead of making me feel better?  Maybe its because its something that I tend to say when I don't know what to say.  "You're father died? I'm sorry, I'll be praying for you."  I, like so many Christians and Non-Christians, can easily read beneath the surface of an empty comment.  I can tell when people are genuine, and so often I'm not genuine when I say something like that.  OR I am genuine and pray for them right then and there in my head, but forget about it later.  Somehow we as a Church need to be more supportive--maybe its starts with our vocabulary. BUT that is a different subject for a different time.

Anyway, the feeling that I had last summer is creeping back up in me again.  The feeling of failure--that I am unable to do this.  I looked back on a few of my blogs from last summer and I am reminded of this one. Titled: "Pouty Obedience." I likened my feelings to that of Jonah.  My thought was that Jonah was probably raising support to be a missionary when he decided to flee to Ninevah instead of following what God wanted him to do.  Its funny.  I am in a completely different season of life, and SURE that God told me that I need to be in the States for now--SURE that I am supposed to find a job, and I was once SURE that I will find one.  But Ninevah is still calling my name.  Ironically, in my twisted head, Ninevah is the mission field.  It would be easier to simply go back to Bolivia--to the familiar, and I'm sure they'd welcome me. BUT...

No, I am not raising support to go back to the mission field.  I am staying home.
No, I am not entering full-time ministry.  I am searching for a job.
No, I am not saving the world.  I am entering the American 9-5 lifestyle.
And that is ok.  I'm choosing to obey in a different way.

But now I find myself being thankful that God is stretching me even now--through this experience of the job search.  Its causing me to want to give up.  Its causing me to feel like a failure.  But in His grace, God reminded me that He raised all that money after I was feeling these same feelings one year ago.  He is reminding me that if He was able to do that, get me through a year of constant challenge, guide me every step of the way of my life--surely He is big enough to find me a job.

God is showing me that the roller coaster that is support raising is not isolated to just that. It is one that continues even after its done, even after the mission is done.  There are always going to be lows and highs of every aspect of life.  It is not simply isolated to specific areas--its continual.  That is why there is a goal to be reached at the end of it all--Basking in His eternal Glory.

When Paul wrote to the Corinthians about the sufficiency of God's grace.  He was bold enough to not only embrace the grace of God, but to BOAST in His weaknesses.  In my case, I have a whole lot to boast about.  The feeling of inadequacy continues to surface, and instead of embracing God's grace--I dwell on my weakness, and that is when the the knotted-stomach-ball-in the throat-sickness that comes when I am at the absolute lowest point of the roller coaster begins to be stronger than ever.

Well, the pit feeling isn't gone.  The feeling of failure surely isn't gone.  The pressure still remains.  But instead of wallowing, I am choosing to surrender.  He's got this.  His plan is perfect.  My weakness is His power, and its perfect. He is perfect.

But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you

Middle School Mind

This is a Toborochi tree--one of the beautiful pieces of Bolivia that I will miss.

I think I might write a book on this someday..if I ever decide to get a Doctorate in Psychology...(yeah right).  That aside, this is about as far as my psychological studies go: the middle school mind.

Let's begin.  Here is my theory: whenever someone is dealing with a dramatic life change or transition, that person gets what I like to call "middle-school-mind." Think about it! When was the first time of transition in your life? MIDDLE SCHOOL.  My theory is pretty much that our minds subconciously revert back to the trauma of Middle School when we reach another big place of transition.  It is just that we THINK we handle it differently, but we don't. We return to whatever trauma we dealt with in Middle School and respond exactly the same way.

Last week, my 7th Graders finished The Hobbit and their final
project was a board game

When I was in Middle School, I went through a lot of phases.  Looking back on it, I could label the entire phase-bounce with one word: awkward.  I bounced back in forth between friends: I experimented in a lot of areas to figure out my identity--the skaters, the jocks, the drama-geeks, the bandies, back to the skaters, the goth kids, and so forth. I searched and searched for a place I belonged.  It wasn't until I realized that I had too many hobbies and liked too many people to settle on and with one group of individuals.  So I celebrated each clique and was aquaintances with them all.  As I transitioned into High School, I continued the same pattern, and even into college.

I could probably count on one hand the amount of close friends I acquired over the years; because what started out as loving everyone equally--became shutting people out.  I realized quickly that friends are seasonal and the seasons were shorter than I thought.  I started walking through life alone because my only constants were myself, God, and my family.  I still have this same tendency: the belief that I am alone--something that this experience in Bolivia has, and continues to beat out of my mind--or validate, depending on the day.

THIS is why Middle School is probably the MOST VALUABLE ministry there is.  Ok that might be a blanket statement, but hear me out.  How differently would you have acted in Middle School had someone come alongside of you to help you think through your crazyness and learn how to deal with it?  When you went through that concrete thought-abstract thought transition--how awesome would it have been to have someone help you understand your own mind?  This is the reason I love Middle Schoolers.  Yes, they can be a little difficult to deal with, but aren't we all when we cannot figure out what is up or down or how to handle it.  I wish that someone would have told me and been there for me through the transition.  I wish someone would have grained the fact that relationships matter--and that I should hold on to those I love.

These 7th graders made all of Mirkwood out of Legos! :)

If you think back to your middle school experience, I'm sure that you all have incredibly loaded stories, and I'm sure you could analyze your middle school mind and see a pattern. Learning what your true identity is usually is the biggest part of it.  What is it that we are searching for again when we are going through the transition that is college?  What is my major?  How will I fit in society?  What about when we graduate from college?  Where am I going to find a job?  How will I pay these bills?  Why did I major in that?  I haven't felt the pressures of the transition into marriage and family, but I'm sure there is still some kind of middle school mind in there somewhere.

My point is this: Life is rickety security between awkward transitions.  Middle school is when we first learn how to transition.  So if we don't teach that basic life skill to the middle schoolers in our lives, we are raising citizens that will not know how to embrace transition and allow it to be something that they can look forward to.

All that to say, I currently have middle school mind.  My mind is in a million places at once: attempting to process through my year as a teacher, as a missionary, as a friend, as a colleague, as a mentor...attempting to still embrace the moments I still have in those roles, but also attempting to let go of those roles and begin to transition and prepare myself for my role-shift to the States.  I'm in the middle of an identity crisis and my awkward transitional phase is taking over my mind.

I loved how unique they were.
This group's looked like Candy Land

God has been comforting me with the passage in Ecclesiastes 3 that reminds me that this awkward stage is one of the seasons--not just an unidentifiable time between the seasons: "a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing."  God has shown me that transition is a necessary part of His plan.  The very act of Him molding and shaping us--sanctification is a constant and awkward place of transition.  Throughout His Word, he continually commands us to enjoy the work He has given us.  To "run the race" to serve one another in Love.  This is our lot in life, and He, through His grace, uses it to mold us into ones worthy of this calling.

Middle School is awkward.  Its a time where we are unsure if we are alone in our confusion or if others are in the same place.  We aren't sure if we can ask for help.  We aren't sure if people want to help.  Its a time of questions without answers that you like.  A time of searching for something invisible.  A time of identity confusion, and time where your minds turn to sponges.  We are all going through points in our lives where we have this middle school mind, and God simply wants us to embrace HIM as not only the author of the big story, but the revisor and editor and publisher of it all--including our small part in the Narrative.  We just have to get through Middle School--not just to get through, but embrace the moments by having the attitude that He is molding us as He prepares us for eternal glory.

Thanks for reading & your continual support.

Rachel

{prayer requests}

{SCCLC}

• End of the Year: kids {and teachers} get really hyper and unfocused this time of year.  Pray that they continue to love eachother and embrace the moments they have for the end of the year.
• Finals: pray for finals week (next week) that the students remember what they have studied and that the teachers are able to finish grading
• Seniors: pray for them as they hit graduation & also develop their transitional middle school minds this summer in their endeavors, whether college or not

{MSCrew}

• Pray for the kids this summer.  That they continue to grow spiritually & that they continue to lead & serve their school as the next year approached.
• Pray for the students who have disciplers that are leaving.  This is a VERY hard thing for kids to be ok with--a lot of people and not much consistency. Pray that God brings more good spiritual leaders into their lives, and that their relationships with us will continue to grow across oceans.
• PRAISE for their successful chapel time--photos to come...they did an excellent job, and I'm extremely proud of them!

{Personal}

• Transition into the States: pray that I will "laugh at the future" (Prov. 31:25) and that God will ease my anxiety about what is to come.
• I need a VEHICLE when I return to the States--pray that I will find one--and financially be able to work that out.
• I'm looking for a job for next school year.  Please pray that as I interview--the right door will be opened and the wrong ones will be closed.  Pray for patience & faith in this process as well.
• Pray for the remainder of my time here.  That I will embrace my time, and not allow myself to "worry about tomorrow."

Formalities

It has been quite a long time since I have blogged; it might have something to do with the busyness of these last few and upcoming weeks.  I hate to disappoint, but if you expect a long-winded blog you will be severely disappointed.  If you described my current demeanor as of now and the days that have preceded in one word it would be: exhaustion.

I believe I have been running on empty for the past few weeks, and I am definitely feeling the pressures of a first year teacher as this year is beginning to wrap up.  As a woman, I can have multiple thoughts going on in my head at once.  I believe it has been described as spaghetti brain.  My spaghetti brain is on such overload that it might boil if I don't give it a rest.

This weekend was the annual Jr/Sr Formal Banquet.  The teachers and parents were invited to attend, and I got a bunch of really fun pictures with some of my students.  You can see them below.

I LOVE these two girls.  All three of us got our dresses for the night made by a local seamstress.  She made them from a picture without a pattern!  It was a great bonding time for the three of us :)

Myself and some of my Bolivian middle school students :)

Some of my MK students :)

The Seniors for which the night was planned.  They are also the very first class I have ever taught when I was just a student teacher! :) They hold a special place in my heart :)

Myself and Iza, a Brazilian MK, I am so proud of the woman that she is becoming & how much she has grown this year!

Graciela & Noelia.  They are such sweet & beautiful girls.  I know they're going to do amazing things.

Heyli has such a cool story, and is one of the Spiritual Leaders in MSCrew with me.  I love have fun conversations with her & how she likes to be challenged & challenge others.  She reminds me a lot of myself at her age. PLUS her hair looks great (I did it for her).

Tomorrow begins Tech Week for Seussical the Musical, and I will not be home before 7pm pretty much every night this week.  Friday and Saturday are the performance days, and I didn't realize how involved this whole process would be.  I have been learning so much about the pressures and art involved in successfully pulling off a production, and we all could really use prayers this week as everything starts to come together.

There are only 3 weeks left of classes, then Finals & I have one week to pack up my classroom and my belongings before I head home.  Things are starting to wind down, and transition is when I start to get Middle School mind, so I'd appreciate prayers for that as well.

Thanks for your constant support & prayers,

Rachel

Breathing Emptyness

I have asthma.  When you have asthma its like you are breathing emptyness.  Like you are putting forth all of this work but nothing really gets through.  Your lungs don't fill with oxygen no matter how hard or deep you breathe, nothing works.  The air is blocked until you reach for an inhaler that clears the passage.  I can't even describe the feeling that comes once the Albuterol medicine passes through my esophogus.  Its like freedom.  Like I'm able to breathe again.  Like I'm no longer breathing emptyness.

Lately I have felt like a fish out of water.  I have felt less and less equipped to finish this journey that God has set into motion here in Bolivia.  Like I'm stuck and putting forth the effort, but not really doing it successfully.  Like nothing I do or try to do is running the machine.  I'm suffocating.  I have been existing with a half-here mind.  Its not like I am not trying to do well.  Its not like I'm not fulfilling my expectations, but I'm not here.  I'm not in Bolivia--in my mind.

This past weekend, a group of about 20 students went to the plaza to share their testimonies with strangers.  God used them in mighty mighty ways, and they were overjoyed and fired up about the experience. If I gave you a list of the Spiritual gifts I posses that list would not include evangelism.  That fact paired with my broken Spanish could tell you how comfortable I was on this adventure throughout the plaza.  How encouraging it was, though, to be able to witness the movement of the Holy Spirit in these kids.  They were energized by their conversations and I watched their faces light up as they shared their stories.  I watched them praying over the broken people they were talking to, and I got to capture their excitement in some of the photos.

All of these kids were scared, but they were given boldness to share the truth of the Word which turned into an excitement and a viral joy.  The plaza was changed on Saturday morning, and we were the movers and shakers that made that change.  Some of these kids are normally timid and fearful of the people that surround them and love them daily.  All of them were out of their comfort zones, but lives were changed because they obeyed--and they were relying on God to get them through.

Through this experience and others this week, God has shown me quite a few things about my heart.  One very important one: it doesn't beat without my Creator.  No matter how hard I try, I cannot breathe on my own.  Without the breath of the Holy Spirit, this relationship that I am in with the Creator of the Universe does not work.  Without Christ: the Albuterol of it all, I cannot function or expect to do His work--whether my intentions are pure or not.  God is showing me that I need Him now more than ever.  I am an asthmatic in the middle of an asthma attack, and I need my Savior.

The next few weeks are ones that are filled with draining days, long hours, and lots of work.  We have almost no days off until the end of the school year, and lots and lots of things to get done.  This is a time when the enemy likes to seek and destroy.  I would like you to join me in praying for the SCCLC: both teachers and students.  Pray that we stay strong, and finish well.  Pray for those teachers like myself that are leaving this year, that we will be able to transition gracefully back to the States.  Pray for the Seniors and their end-of-the-year decisions.  Pray for strength for today and bright hopes for tomorrow, and that we will continue to choose joy throughout the remainder of the year.

Thanks for you continued prayers & support.

Rachel

My Ice Cream Puddle

What is your favorite flavor of ice cream? Cup or cone? Sprinkles?  Cookie crumbs?  Dipped in chocolate?  What is the combination that just makes your mouth water when you order it from the Drive-in--the one you always order?  For me its simple: soft-serve vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles in a waffle cone.  Yum.  

Well imagine ordering it--with a perfect triple-swirl and the sprinkles of every color covering every surface of frigid ice cream that patiently sits on the fresh waffle cone waiting to be devoured.  Mouth watering?  Well now imagine tripping over a rock and watching, in slow motion, that perfect ice cream cone crashing to the ground and immediately becoming a swirling and melting rainbow puddle.  Now imagine a small dog coming up and licking that puddle.  To add a little irony to this unfortunate insult, add some pouring down rain.

That was my week.

I was born a natural pessimist.  Can you tell?  I simply enjoy wallowing in the negative aspects of life.  This skill raised to an artform throughout my teen years when I, like most teens in the world, was convinced that my parents and everyone else in the world, who couldn't possibly understand what I was going through, had one goal: to ruin my life.  I remember countless arguments with my parents over the silliest things that seemed to be the most important things in the world at the time--its funny that I don't remember any of the actual topics of the arguments, just that they took place.

As I have slowly grown in maturity, those optimists that I once loathed, because they ruined my pity parties and made me feel this size of a bean whenever I would wallow in the negative, became intriguing to me.  You know the people I'm talking about: the ones who could find sunbeams during a thunderstorm, or could find something positive to say about a tone-deaf person singing an Aretha Franklin song, or could be excited for the dog who gets to lick their just-spilled-not-yet-eaten puddle of ice cream with sprinkles off the ground.  Those people are so amazing to me--when I WANT to climb on board of their happy train.  When I don't feel so positive, I want to ring there necks with their sunbeams and compliments, scoop up the ice cream puddle and throw it their face.

Over time, though, I have seen that optimism is such an attractive quality to have.  Biblically the word is joy.  As an English teacher, I like to find synonyms for simple words.  My favorite is "rapture" to be "in rapture" would be to have overwhelming felicity or pleasure.  I don't think that dictionary.com does a great job of defining the word joy, though, because the first word was "happiness."  The Oxford English dictionary does a better job by defining it as "a vivid emotion of pleasure arising from a sense of well-being or satisfaction; the feeling or state of being highly pleased or delighted."

Joy is the second fruit of the spirit mentioned in Galatians 5, preceeded solely by love.  John Mayer says "love is a verb" theology that I definitely agree with, and I'd like to argue maybe that joy is a verb as well.  James 1 says "consider it pure joy to face trials of many kinds."  That means joy is an action--its a choice.  To be joyous, one must be in complete contentment and confidence that her needs are met--whether they want to or not.  Its a concious state of mind that takes work--even for optimists.

As a pessimist, the state of being joyful is not something that happens with ease.  Its hard work for me.  I have to conciously remind myself of my identity in Christ, of what side I am on, and of my expectations and purposes.  Sometimes it comes much easier that other times.  When I find myself in a state of prosperity, I can be thankful for a whole lot of things.  But catch me in a moment of adversity and forget it. I wallow.  I'm such a selfish sinner.  When God finds it in His pleasure and will to bless me--its really easy to look at the positive sides of things and have the shallow ice-cream-with-sprinkles-on-it joy, but when that ice cream with sprinkles falls off the cone and crashes on the ground, its really hard to think of something to be thankful for.

This was an ice-cream-on-the-ground kind of week and all I wanted to do was kick the dog.  It was a challenge to find the positive things throughout my week.  My mind has been in the US for the past month, and I have been counting down the days until my flight (70 days).  Every time something would go wrong this week, I'd just repeat the amount of days I have left in my mind which left me even more depressed because I just wanted to go home.  I tried so hard to find blessings of this week that I conciously had to sit down and write them in my journal.

He managed to help me think of an abundance (more than 40) of blessings that I have in my life right now.  In this season--not just things to look forward to in the next.  He brought me a type of contentment that I haven't had in a long time, and for that I am overwhelmingly blessed.  The week that started with the Hope of the Resurrection is what made me see that He is a Just God of grace--the greatest contradiction known to man, and I am privileged to know him.

Here are some of the blessings I wrote about this week:

Parsons, Bennets, Reeds, and Smith families to share Easter dinner with when mine is far away (picture below)

Disney movies that are perfect watch while grading mountains of papers (picture below)

Music that plants itself in my head giving me a soundtrack to life (though annoying its better than silence)

Rain & cool enough weather to wear scarves and long sleeves (!!!!)

Coke and Popcorn (the website with free viewing of US tv shows)

Overseeing detention with kids who decided they wanted to discuss the Bible

THE PHILLIES!!! (opening day was yesterday...can't wait for summer games)

When toddlers run to me with their arms stretched out (best moment ever)

Being able to cook for other people..perhaps my favorite act of worship (picture below)

Fireworks to ring in the Resurrection of Christ...ask me for a video of the sunrise service

A new yellow dress and the seamstress who made it for me..and the low cost for it to be done :)

When my students actually quote things I say back to me and I realize they actually listen (BIG deal)

Birthdays!! Two of my students and a fellow missionary had birthday parties today...lots of fun!!

Godly conversations with other single women here in Bolivia.

Dave's ability to patiently listen to my venting fits and still respond in wisdom and love.

That moment when a student applies something we are learning in class OUTSIDE of class!!! :)

the Psalms...reading a Psalm a day forces me to praise God :)

TERRIBLE jokes that still make me laugh

Embracing one of my 8th graders right after she made a decision to follow Christ (BEST MOMENT)

Photos like the ones below:

These are all missionary kids that I have babysat, discipled, taught, or ministered to throughout this year.  They are my out-of-school ministry, and I love them all dearly.  We took these pictures after Easter dinner.

These are my seventh graders on theme-day.  Our theme was Disney characters.  I got a little bit into it.

I baked this pizza last night and shared it with a couple neighbors.  It was a pick-me-up ending to a hard week.

As God has challenged me this week, I hope he challenges you to look for those blessings in your life that you are just NOT entitled to.  I pray that you choose joy this week as you are in the thick of life and tempted to kick the dog eating your puddle of ice cream.

Thanks for your prayers and support!  You are all a huge blessing in my life...what are some blessings you have experienced this week that you might want to share as a COMMENT below?

--

Rachel

From Camp to the Classroom & Back Again

This last week was extremely tranquilo and eerily quiet because the High Schoolers were away at Camp.  At least 3 students accepted Christ at this camp, and many kids rededicated their lives to Christ. From all the reports, it seemed like it was a significantly worshipful and unforgettable time for the High School.

BUT I got to go with the Junior Highers to camp last week, and it was also an awesome experience with them.  I was given the opportunity to develop relationships with my kids that go beyond the classroom.  Sometimes it can get frustrating to be in the classroom environment when I want to get to know my kids on a deeper level. ALSO the yellow team (my team) won the team competitions.  Here are some photos of the week taken by our official photographer, Haeun.

Boys playing the "don't touch the trashcan, but make everyone else touch it" game (don't remember the name)

Having to do math at camp exhausts me: counting up different colored balls we made in order to count up our points :)

Middle School worship is always an interesting and fun experience.  I was able to lead with other High Schoolers and an awesome friend, Ally Lee.

The winning team: The Cheesus Freaks.  We were a team of superheroes that all had to do with Cheese.  I was Cheese Momma.  Tayo (center) was The Big Cheese.  Others were Cheesecake, Cheesy Boy, String Cheese, Cheese it, and Cheezito....it was a lot of fun.

watergun Dodgeball.  The Big Cheese beating down the blue team! :)

The awesome High school Leaders that did such an excellent job! :)

As I look at my time here and consider what (specifically in teaching) my biggest struggles are it is drawing that teacher-student relationship line in the sand.  Finding the boundaries and learning how to uphold those boundaries.  There is such a fine line that, because of my lack of experience as a teacher, is so fine that I cannot fully see it.  This week was a hard one in Middle School because of that new development in my relationships with my students.  Some of my students understand the environmental changes and how they need to respect me; while others cannot seem to grasp that concept.

I had to discipline many students this week because I almost had to reestablish that student-teacher relationship.  I had to make it clear that I am no longer their camp-counselor that is super competitive and will stay up until all hours painting nails, eating junk food and chatting about anything and everything.  Then I realized, I don't want both.  I want either of those dynamics when ministering to youth.  I don't like having to balance both, having to remind myself which role I'm fulfilling at which time.  I'd much rather stay in camp-mode OR teacher mode.

I think God is showing me a lot about how to not only establish boundaries, but also to stick to those boundaries both in my personal and professional lives.  The hard thing that comes is that a lot of my students show up in both of those parts of my life.  Those students that are part of the missionary life as well as the teaching life. The ones that are allowed to call me Rachel outside of school and are forced to call me Miss Gentry at school.  The ones that I mentor, but also have to discipline in my classroom.  I get confused sometimes, so I can't even imagine how they must feel.

All that to say: I'd like to stick to one type of role, and I'm seeing that I like camp-mode so much better than teacher-mode.  Maybe that's telling me something about my eventual future.  Hopefully God will show me what the next step after this adventure is that will lead me to serve where and how He has designed me to serve.

Continually Seeking His Will & Waiting Patiently for Direction..

--
Rachel

{prayer requests}

• Praise that CAMP was a success!
• Seussical the Musical: 
• I have been asked to be in charge of the soloist and ensemble in the musical at the SCCLC this Spring.  I'm fighting a whole bunch of feelings of inadequacy, and I could use prayer for God to show up in me and through me as I lead the kids in the musical.
• Pray for Emily Barlow as she is directing the whole show and is going to need a lot of guidance from God through the entire quarter.
• MSCrew
• Pray for the kids in MSCrew: Grace, Shekinah, Benji, Luke, Lucas, and Heyli.  I'm really impressed and excited that they are committing to be leaders at the SCCLC.
• Pray for myself as I lead them through this semester and learn how to disciple others. Pray that I will be discipling them well.
• Pray as this year is on the down-swing, that the students (and I) will adjust to change as I prepare to leave.
• Discipleship
• PRAISE God that I have started to be mentored by co-missionary and dear friend, Johanna.  This is a HUGE answer to prayer, and I am anxious to see how God uses myself in her life, and how we build eachother up in the Lord.
• Pray for her as she listens, and guides me in my struggles, but also for me that I am honoring God through our conversations--and that I am able to be transparent: something that is a struggle and challenge for me.

I Felt Like a Teacher Today

Someone once told me that in the world of Education there are really good planners, and then there are really good teachers.  Today I felt like a really good teacher.  I'm terrible at planning.  Scope and Sequences, all of the SWBAT's or the Learning Objectives, and the deciding where students should be, setting goals, etc.  I am terrible at it, but as I continue to develop my teaching over time, I am learning that its important to plan, yes (mostly because students can see right through you if you are unprepared), but also it is important to TEACH and that its ok to abandon the plan if it doesn't pan out.  

Communication Corner of the Classroom :)

SOO needless to say, today was the first time that I actually felt like a teacher.  Up until this point I had felt like I was filling in a role that I wasn't suited for, or that it was just temporary.  I had this underlying feeling that I am not really doing what I should be doing with my life.  I just felt unsettled, unfocused, and simply disorganized and frazzled.  I felt like I was renting space in the room that I am sharing with the other English teachers, because I had been sharing a computer and I just didn't feel like I had a settled down place to call my own.

The week started out with one of my kindergarteners giving me an apple. I don't know where the concept of "teachers love apples" started, but I was overjoyed with this little kindergarten boy giving me an apple.  I'm convinced it was just part of his snack and he didn't want to eat so he thought he'd give it away, but I was so touched and it made me start to feel like a real teacher.

The Reading Corner, and my kids' Projects! :) I'm so proud of them!

I also got my bulletin board up yesterday.  The maintenance guy hung it for me, and I decorated it right away.  My 7th and 8th graders are doing the "reading race" to see which grade can read the most pages in their individual reading at home.  So far the 7th graders are smoking the 8th graders.  But I got to spend time just making a reading corner on the side of the room that I have been sharing.

THEN I got my own computer which forced me to organize my desk and my papers, so I'm all organized and ready for the new quarter.

MY NEW COMPUTER on my newly organized desk!!!

Though all of these things seem trivial, they all play a part in making me feel like a real teacher, a feeling I haven't actually had yet.  But I felt the MOST like a teacher when I experienced something in my 2nd grade music class. 

As we started to work on the song that the 2nd graders are singing (Heavenly Hallelujahs...a medley of all of the "angel carols"). I started realizing that there are SO MANY words in the song that they have never seen/heard/understood before.  They would mumble over them when they sang along with the track, and I was thinking to myself "well this is just not working...time for a new strategy."  I gave them all pencils and asked them to underline big scary words, and they did an amazing job finding the things they weren't sure about.  I had never thought to take MUSIC from a literacy standpoint before, and I was so excited that I can use my experience as an English teacher in the music world.  It was the greatest teachable moment I have experienced to this date.

I'm so thankful that God has sent me here, and that He is beginning to show me that I do belong where he leads me.  I'm thankful that he can give me glimpses of his plan to prepare me for great things.  I'm so blessed to be here in Bolivia, and I am learning to praise Him in the good, and continue to rely on Him during this feasting time.  God is allowing me to really embrace being a teacher and LOVE my job, and see that it IS my job...and my calling.

THANK YOU LORD FOR CALLING ME TO DO SOMETHING THAT I LOVE, ENJOY, AND YOU HAVE GIFTED ME IN.THANKS, GOD FOR GOOD DAYS! :)

My Crazy Rambunctious and AWESOME 7th graders :)

THANK YOU, supporters, for your continual prayers!

Rachel

Prayer Requests This Week:

• Saturday: HS Girls Progressive Dinner (Dpo and I are hosting the main meal) pray for strength and PRESENCE because I have a lot of other things to do (i.e grading) and I want to BE THERE and HOST well.
• Sunday: PRAISE for 5 new believers after Retreat this weekend in the HS! I'm soo proud of these kids and I want to pray that they continue on this Spiritual Plateau instead of plummeting after a "retreat high"
• Monday: BAPTISMAL SERVICE on Monday, November 3 for new believers in the HS and other believers that desire to be baptized...parents are invited: BIG DEAL, BIG STEPS!
• Tuesday: 2nd quarter is starting, and I have lots of planning to do for 7th and 8th grade reading classes; pray for students to desire to SUCCEED this quarter.
• Wednesday: Christmas Program is RAPIDLY approaching, pray for wisdom and attention in the elementary school, so that they memorize their songs, lines, and practice well, pray for parent and teacher involvement
• Thursday: Dpo and myself as we continue to get to know eachother as roommates
• Friday: Middle School youth group and spiritual development: They NEED Jesus to show himself to them; pray that we can continue to develop our discipleship program with the Middle School.

Parables of the Unexpected

Today was a day full of the unexpected.  One by one, things happened that were simply not what I planned for, both good, and bad, and all of them taught me something...it was a day of parables. So I guess I'll tell them like that :)

Unwholesome Talk?
I had time to attend Elementary chapel today.  Now that I'm teaching the elementary kids, I have been trying to invest in and spend more time with them.  My schedule hasn't permitted it because I have been teaching K-8 classes, but God gave me some extra time to spend with them in their chapel.  They were talking about Ephesians 4:29, and not letting unwholesome talk come out of your mouths.  This was a good reminder for me today, and God actually convicted me to remember to apply this to my classroom.  Sometimes sarcasm with my students can get the best of me, and I needed to be reminded that I should control my tongue.  You never expect to be convicted in an Elementary school chapel, but God was good to me by showing me that I needed to hear what I heard.

Learning how to teach from a 12th Grader
I was BLESSED with an AWESOME (and unexpected) conversation with one of the 12th grade girls today, as well.  She was having a bad day and needed to talk, so I sat down with her and listened to her heart, struggles, and frustrations from the year.  I taught her last year when I was student teaching, and it was unbelievably encouraging to hear her talking to me about her walk with the Lord.  She showed me so much about her heart and helped me see things from a student's perspective rather than just from a teacher's perspective.

Fist Fights & Failures
I broke up my first fist fight today in one of my music classes today.  Though I was shaky and felt like crying, God gave me strength to take it and gain control over my students.  God taught me, also, that I need to start getting to know the ins and outs of upper elementary students.  I haven't figured out what to expect out of them, because I have been learning what to expect out of junior high and high school.  4th, 5th, and 6th graders are a whole different monster, and I just don't know what to do with them.  I'm praying and hoping that these students will be convicted and remorseful for their actions toward eachother, but the whole situation just made me sad.
God also taught me that I need to stop blaming myself for other people's bad choices.  Those boys chose to fight, but I was trying to figure out what it was that I did wrong in order for this to happen.  I felt like I failed as a teacher because it happened during class time.  I had a lengthy conversation with the Elementary school principal about the incident, and she spoke the truth: I cannot control the choices and decisions of others.  Fist fights are fist fights.  They'll happen whether I am there or not.  I'm thankful that God had this happen, because I think these boys will be on their way to mending their relationships, and I am now on my way towards classroom management that prevents the opportunities for these things to happen in my class.

The Perfect Prayer Partner
During prayer meeting God brought me to pray with the PERFECT person.  Ally (another single teacher) and I had both been struggling with similar issues over the past week, and I was able to pray with her about them in a real, open and safe environment.  I am so thankful for her and her heart here in Bolivia, and I can't wait to continue to develop our friendship over this next year.  God showed me through this that I am not alone--not only do I have Him, but I have friends that can come alongside me and pray me through my struggles, and bare my burdens too!

Dog Poo
I stepped on dog poop on my way to the car after prayer meeting.  I felt something on the bottom of my foot, so I put my hand down there to investigate, and got a huge chunk of poo on my hand.  I ran to the bathroom and puked after using a gallon of soap to wash my hand and shoe.  God taught me never to touch the bottom of my shoe. Ever.

Thanks for reading the parables of my day!  Also thanks for your prayers & support!

PLEASE be praying every day this week AND next week for SPIRITUAL EMPHASIS WEEK and HIGH SCHOOL RETREAT.  There is a HUGE amount of spiritual warfare going on on the SCCLC campus, and we NEED your prayers to knock down the enemy.

Thanks again!

--Rachel :)

The Cycle of Unforgiveness

This week I have been teaching my 7th graders about Point of View.  I used a cup that had liquid filled half way, and asked the students to decide whether they saw the glass as half full or half empty.  The class was pulled in different directions deciding on which was right or wrong.  But the truth is, both perspectives were right, just one might have been more optimistic than the other. Perspective is always a huge part of human interaction.  The same story can be told in so many different ways simply by point of view.  But at the end of the day, the Omniscient One is the only one that knows the complete truth, and we are simply called to seek that truth.

When I was in 5th grade, I got in an argument with one of my friends.  I don't even remember what the fight was about, but I know that it was most likely not worth the hours and hours (which seemed like days in a 5th grade mind) of time that we did not speak to eachother.  Eventually I broke my wall of pride down and apologized, but my friend did NOT want to hear it.  She refused my apology.  I was apalled.  HOW could someone not forgive my sincerest apology?  HOW could someone be so proud and mean!?  How could someone make me feel so small and worthless?

I have always accepted God grace for myself.  I know myself well enough to see that I do not deserve the supernatural grace that God has given me willingly.  Ever since I was a small girl I have learned the truth of His mercy.  Through so many avenues God has taught me about His ultimate sacrfice: the wordless book, diarammas in Sunday School, countless altar calls, bible songs accompanied by intense sign language..and many many more.  But I never really and truly grasped the grace and mercy of God until I saw that I needed it: when it wasn't given to me willingly by those who I desperately wanted it from.

As I look back on the dramatic argument of 5th grade, I'm starting to see it from my friend's perspective.  I see why it might have been that she refused to forgive me.  I see why it is that she didn't want to be involved in my life.  I betrayed her.  I hurt her.  I made her feel small and worthless.  God had already forgiven me for the things that I said and did to her, but all I cared about was the fact that she DIDN'T forgive me.

How often do I see myself on both sides of this scenario.  Wanting desperately for someone to forgive me, and then on the other side: too prideful to forgive.  Such is the neverending cycle of unforgiveness that so many of us fall into, and honestly I have fallen into it.

I hurt so I hurt someone else.
I'm not forgiven, so I don't forgive.

Why is it that my flesh wins time and time again?  Thank you, Lord, for showing me my heart.
God teach me how to see, know, and remember that your grace is enough

Please be praying for me this week as I learn how to forgive as well as how to be far from home.

Rachel