Breathing Emptyness

I have asthma.  When you have asthma its like you are breathing emptyness.  Like you are putting forth all of this work but nothing really gets through.  Your lungs don't fill with oxygen no matter how hard or deep you breathe, nothing works.  The air is blocked until you reach for an inhaler that clears the passage.  I can't even describe the feeling that comes once the Albuterol medicine passes through my esophogus.  Its like freedom.  Like I'm able to breathe again.  Like I'm no longer breathing emptyness.

Lately I have felt like a fish out of water.  I have felt less and less equipped to finish this journey that God has set into motion here in Bolivia.  Like I'm stuck and putting forth the effort, but not really doing it successfully.  Like nothing I do or try to do is running the machine.  I'm suffocating.  I have been existing with a half-here mind.  Its not like I am not trying to do well.  Its not like I'm not fulfilling my expectations, but I'm not here.  I'm not in Bolivia--in my mind.

This past weekend, a group of about 20 students went to the plaza to share their testimonies with strangers.  God used them in mighty mighty ways, and they were overjoyed and fired up about the experience. If I gave you a list of the Spiritual gifts I posses that list would not include evangelism.  That fact paired with my broken Spanish could tell you how comfortable I was on this adventure throughout the plaza.  How encouraging it was, though, to be able to witness the movement of the Holy Spirit in these kids.  They were energized by their conversations and I watched their faces light up as they shared their stories.  I watched them praying over the broken people they were talking to, and I got to capture their excitement in some of the photos.

All of these kids were scared, but they were given boldness to share the truth of the Word which turned into an excitement and a viral joy.  The plaza was changed on Saturday morning, and we were the movers and shakers that made that change.  Some of these kids are normally timid and fearful of the people that surround them and love them daily.  All of them were out of their comfort zones, but lives were changed because they obeyed--and they were relying on God to get them through.

Through this experience and others this week, God has shown me quite a few things about my heart.  One very important one: it doesn't beat without my Creator.  No matter how hard I try, I cannot breathe on my own.  Without the breath of the Holy Spirit, this relationship that I am in with the Creator of the Universe does not work.  Without Christ: the Albuterol of it all, I cannot function or expect to do His work--whether my intentions are pure or not.  God is showing me that I need Him now more than ever.  I am an asthmatic in the middle of an asthma attack, and I need my Savior.

The next few weeks are ones that are filled with draining days, long hours, and lots of work.  We have almost no days off until the end of the school year, and lots and lots of things to get done.  This is a time when the enemy likes to seek and destroy.  I would like you to join me in praying for the SCCLC: both teachers and students.  Pray that we stay strong, and finish well.  Pray for those teachers like myself that are leaving this year, that we will be able to transition gracefully back to the States.  Pray for the Seniors and their end-of-the-year decisions.  Pray for strength for today and bright hopes for tomorrow, and that we will continue to choose joy throughout the remainder of the year.

Thanks for you continued prayers & support.

Rachel

From Camp to the Classroom & Back Again

This last week was extremely tranquilo and eerily quiet because the High Schoolers were away at Camp.  At least 3 students accepted Christ at this camp, and many kids rededicated their lives to Christ. From all the reports, it seemed like it was a significantly worshipful and unforgettable time for the High School.

BUT I got to go with the Junior Highers to camp last week, and it was also an awesome experience with them.  I was given the opportunity to develop relationships with my kids that go beyond the classroom.  Sometimes it can get frustrating to be in the classroom environment when I want to get to know my kids on a deeper level. ALSO the yellow team (my team) won the team competitions.  Here are some photos of the week taken by our official photographer, Haeun.

Boys playing the "don't touch the trashcan, but make everyone else touch it" game (don't remember the name)

Having to do math at camp exhausts me: counting up different colored balls we made in order to count up our points :)

Middle School worship is always an interesting and fun experience.  I was able to lead with other High Schoolers and an awesome friend, Ally Lee.

The winning team: The Cheesus Freaks.  We were a team of superheroes that all had to do with Cheese.  I was Cheese Momma.  Tayo (center) was The Big Cheese.  Others were Cheesecake, Cheesy Boy, String Cheese, Cheese it, and Cheezito....it was a lot of fun.

watergun Dodgeball.  The Big Cheese beating down the blue team! :)

The awesome High school Leaders that did such an excellent job! :)

As I look at my time here and consider what (specifically in teaching) my biggest struggles are it is drawing that teacher-student relationship line in the sand.  Finding the boundaries and learning how to uphold those boundaries.  There is such a fine line that, because of my lack of experience as a teacher, is so fine that I cannot fully see it.  This week was a hard one in Middle School because of that new development in my relationships with my students.  Some of my students understand the environmental changes and how they need to respect me; while others cannot seem to grasp that concept.

I had to discipline many students this week because I almost had to reestablish that student-teacher relationship.  I had to make it clear that I am no longer their camp-counselor that is super competitive and will stay up until all hours painting nails, eating junk food and chatting about anything and everything.  Then I realized, I don't want both.  I want either of those dynamics when ministering to youth.  I don't like having to balance both, having to remind myself which role I'm fulfilling at which time.  I'd much rather stay in camp-mode OR teacher mode.

I think God is showing me a lot about how to not only establish boundaries, but also to stick to those boundaries both in my personal and professional lives.  The hard thing that comes is that a lot of my students show up in both of those parts of my life.  Those students that are part of the missionary life as well as the teaching life. The ones that are allowed to call me Rachel outside of school and are forced to call me Miss Gentry at school.  The ones that I mentor, but also have to discipline in my classroom.  I get confused sometimes, so I can't even imagine how they must feel.

All that to say: I'd like to stick to one type of role, and I'm seeing that I like camp-mode so much better than teacher-mode.  Maybe that's telling me something about my eventual future.  Hopefully God will show me what the next step after this adventure is that will lead me to serve where and how He has designed me to serve.

Continually Seeking His Will & Waiting Patiently for Direction..

--
Rachel

{prayer requests}

• Praise that CAMP was a success!
• Seussical the Musical: 
• I have been asked to be in charge of the soloist and ensemble in the musical at the SCCLC this Spring.  I'm fighting a whole bunch of feelings of inadequacy, and I could use prayer for God to show up in me and through me as I lead the kids in the musical.
• Pray for Emily Barlow as she is directing the whole show and is going to need a lot of guidance from God through the entire quarter.
• MSCrew
• Pray for the kids in MSCrew: Grace, Shekinah, Benji, Luke, Lucas, and Heyli.  I'm really impressed and excited that they are committing to be leaders at the SCCLC.
• Pray for myself as I lead them through this semester and learn how to disciple others. Pray that I will be discipling them well.
• Pray as this year is on the down-swing, that the students (and I) will adjust to change as I prepare to leave.
• Discipleship
• PRAISE God that I have started to be mentored by co-missionary and dear friend, Johanna.  This is a HUGE answer to prayer, and I am anxious to see how God uses myself in her life, and how we build eachother up in the Lord.
• Pray for her as she listens, and guides me in my struggles, but also for me that I am honoring God through our conversations--and that I am able to be transparent: something that is a struggle and challenge for me.

I Felt Like a Teacher Today

Someone once told me that in the world of Education there are really good planners, and then there are really good teachers.  Today I felt like a really good teacher.  I'm terrible at planning.  Scope and Sequences, all of the SWBAT's or the Learning Objectives, and the deciding where students should be, setting goals, etc.  I am terrible at it, but as I continue to develop my teaching over time, I am learning that its important to plan, yes (mostly because students can see right through you if you are unprepared), but also it is important to TEACH and that its ok to abandon the plan if it doesn't pan out.  

Communication Corner of the Classroom :)

SOO needless to say, today was the first time that I actually felt like a teacher.  Up until this point I had felt like I was filling in a role that I wasn't suited for, or that it was just temporary.  I had this underlying feeling that I am not really doing what I should be doing with my life.  I just felt unsettled, unfocused, and simply disorganized and frazzled.  I felt like I was renting space in the room that I am sharing with the other English teachers, because I had been sharing a computer and I just didn't feel like I had a settled down place to call my own.

The week started out with one of my kindergarteners giving me an apple. I don't know where the concept of "teachers love apples" started, but I was overjoyed with this little kindergarten boy giving me an apple.  I'm convinced it was just part of his snack and he didn't want to eat so he thought he'd give it away, but I was so touched and it made me start to feel like a real teacher.

The Reading Corner, and my kids' Projects! :) I'm so proud of them!

I also got my bulletin board up yesterday.  The maintenance guy hung it for me, and I decorated it right away.  My 7th and 8th graders are doing the "reading race" to see which grade can read the most pages in their individual reading at home.  So far the 7th graders are smoking the 8th graders.  But I got to spend time just making a reading corner on the side of the room that I have been sharing.

THEN I got my own computer which forced me to organize my desk and my papers, so I'm all organized and ready for the new quarter.

MY NEW COMPUTER on my newly organized desk!!!

Though all of these things seem trivial, they all play a part in making me feel like a real teacher, a feeling I haven't actually had yet.  But I felt the MOST like a teacher when I experienced something in my 2nd grade music class. 

As we started to work on the song that the 2nd graders are singing (Heavenly Hallelujahs...a medley of all of the "angel carols"). I started realizing that there are SO MANY words in the song that they have never seen/heard/understood before.  They would mumble over them when they sang along with the track, and I was thinking to myself "well this is just not working...time for a new strategy."  I gave them all pencils and asked them to underline big scary words, and they did an amazing job finding the things they weren't sure about.  I had never thought to take MUSIC from a literacy standpoint before, and I was so excited that I can use my experience as an English teacher in the music world.  It was the greatest teachable moment I have experienced to this date.

I'm so thankful that God has sent me here, and that He is beginning to show me that I do belong where he leads me.  I'm thankful that he can give me glimpses of his plan to prepare me for great things.  I'm so blessed to be here in Bolivia, and I am learning to praise Him in the good, and continue to rely on Him during this feasting time.  God is allowing me to really embrace being a teacher and LOVE my job, and see that it IS my job...and my calling.

THANK YOU LORD FOR CALLING ME TO DO SOMETHING THAT I LOVE, ENJOY, AND YOU HAVE GIFTED ME IN.THANKS, GOD FOR GOOD DAYS! :)

My Crazy Rambunctious and AWESOME 7th graders :)

THANK YOU, supporters, for your continual prayers!

Rachel

Prayer Requests This Week:

• Saturday: HS Girls Progressive Dinner (Dpo and I are hosting the main meal) pray for strength and PRESENCE because I have a lot of other things to do (i.e grading) and I want to BE THERE and HOST well.
• Sunday: PRAISE for 5 new believers after Retreat this weekend in the HS! I'm soo proud of these kids and I want to pray that they continue on this Spiritual Plateau instead of plummeting after a "retreat high"
• Monday: BAPTISMAL SERVICE on Monday, November 3 for new believers in the HS and other believers that desire to be baptized...parents are invited: BIG DEAL, BIG STEPS!
• Tuesday: 2nd quarter is starting, and I have lots of planning to do for 7th and 8th grade reading classes; pray for students to desire to SUCCEED this quarter.
• Wednesday: Christmas Program is RAPIDLY approaching, pray for wisdom and attention in the elementary school, so that they memorize their songs, lines, and practice well, pray for parent and teacher involvement
• Thursday: Dpo and myself as we continue to get to know eachother as roommates
• Friday: Middle School youth group and spiritual development: They NEED Jesus to show himself to them; pray that we can continue to develop our discipleship program with the Middle School.